my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
