my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
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i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
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Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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