well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.