i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.