They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
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After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.