WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
You coming home soon, man?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender