my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.