She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
