One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
