Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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