I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
