you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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