Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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