i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
