You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
