I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
