The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
