pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
