this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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