sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
