I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
