Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
