I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
