this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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