there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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