her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This house was built for laser tag.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
