saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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