the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
