dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
