escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
