oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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