I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize