We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
