A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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