You work out of a Hotel?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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