Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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