how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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