hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
