i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
