you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
