The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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