To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize