moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
