when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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