babies were throwing up all over the place
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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