So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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