There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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