I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
