the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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