Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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