I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
