That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
