dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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