we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
sex in a hospital.. check
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
