I feel great
I just peed on a car
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
