There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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