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lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
