nut hugger
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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