Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
