i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
