how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize