Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
